punthera-nyx

I was in silence, and so was this guy right beside me. Sounds could be heard was just a comedy show on TV we didn’t pay attention to.

“So?”

I turned my head, stared at him who was playing with his fingers.

“What?”

“Us.”

I let out a sigh as my brain started to proceed more and more questions to ask and words to tell, which in the end, I didn’t do.

“I don’t know.”

“Neither do I,” He responded, “so what are we gonna do? About us.”

Us.

Is there still a thing such as “us?”

“There is,” He knew what was going on inside my head.

He looked at me. Hands roughly rubbed that face of his, as if he wanted to get rid of those burden he had been borne.

We messed up. Not for one or two, but countless times. And there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel—that led us to this point where we realized we had no choices.

“I love you.”

I approached him slowly. He grabbed my hands, held it like there is no tomorrow and I won’t be there anymore.

“I know. I do, too.”

“But—”

“Why?”

He nodded.

“We've done this a lot. Agree-to-disagree was what we always ended up with.”

“You don’t like it?”

This soft brown carpet was all I could see. “Not that I don't like it. It’s draining to do this over and over again.”

“Alright. I can do nothing, huh?”

His laugh was awkward.

Oh, how my lips started to quiver.

“Don't cry.”

“Sorry. Things are beyond my control.”

“I wish I was there to help you.”

I made sure to see his eyes while showing him his favorite smile, “You were always here, though.”

“I'm sorry. For all the things I did.”

“Don't. We were too hard on ourselves, we tried to fix each other too much that we didn't try to figure out what was broken.”

“If only I did better..”

“No,” I shook my head, “If only we did better.”

Said that with some emphasis on the word we, so that he knew there is no need to blame himself.

He stood up right after grabbing his stuffs that laid down on the table. I followed him as he walked towards the door.

“Thank you. Thank you for being yourself when you are with me.”

I nodded while holding back my tears.

“Oh, I said don't,” My cheeks were cupped, “You know I can’t leave you like this.”

We both laughed. An ugliest pain was what we felt, yet laugh was what we showed.

A laugh we both will crave one day, when snow falls and our hands won’t be intertwined in one’s pocket.

A laugh that helped us stay sane in the middle of solitude where our warm embrace felt like nothing but home.

“Thank you. For tons of things we did.” I said softly, though he heard it for sure.

Door was opened soon as those Adidas shoes perfectly worn.

“But, Wonwoo,”

He turned his figure which was four steps away from the door.

“If the world was ending,” I choked, “you'd come over, right?”

I knew this question surprised him. I did for sure because he immediately changed his gaze, then turned around after a single smile appeared as a wave of goodbye. A smile that made me know tomorrow won’t be easy.

His back was the last thing I saw. His back that reminded me of quite a few memories we wrote together, on a book that actually doesn’t deserve to be thrown away.

Wonwoo, if the world was ending..

“I'd come over. We both know it,” he whispered. Right before that two-wheeled vehicle met the night streets, with tears streamed down his face—pulled by gravity. Or by himself who was torn apart, shattered into pieces.

Because they once said, we both know you weren’t down for forever, and it’s fine.

It is—at least it will be.